It's too easy to hate nowadays, to scream at the people who disagree with you, to label them out of frustration or because everyone else is doing it. Once upon a time, it was easier to be kind. 

I grew up in the seventies and eighties, and no, neither decade was a utopia, but we didn't have the internet or social media so much of the vitriol we see now we didn't see then. Yes, it probably existed, but it wasn't shared like a bag of popcorn at the movies. 

Now, it seems to be perfectly normal to call someone a name like "idiot" or "stupid." I've dealt with it a lot more since starting to write for Red Shirts Always Die. Make one mistake in writing a post, and fingers start pointing. I've been called so many names, I've lost count. Simply because I made a mistake. People are quick to point out those mistakes and question whether I know what I'm doing or have the knowledge to write about the topic. 

People still make mistakes. Does that mean those people should be vilified? Is it no longer allowed for someone to say forty-two when they meant fifty-two? Or Maine when they meant Massachusetts? If I put the wrong date in my calendar and show up for my doctor's appointment a day early, is it okay to call me an idiot? If someone doesn't understand something as well as you do, is it okay to call them stupid? If I think differently about something than you do, is it okay for you to call me dumb? 

Years ago, parents and teachers told school kids not to call one another names. (They may still do that, but I haven't been in school in a very long time.) But now, we have adults calling each other names because there are no parents or teachers to correct us which, apparently, we still need. 

We talk about the need to quell bullying, both online and off, but that only applies to children and young adults. Apparently, it's perfectly acceptable to tell someone they have low intelligence because they don't know as much as you do...or, at least, that's what you think. But, honestly, if someone isn't as familiar or knowledgeable about a topic as you are, that doesn't make them stupid.  Perhaps it simply isn't a topic that interests them. 

I consider myself an intelligent person, but if my car breaks down, I can't fix it. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Does that mean I'm stupid, and the mechanic is of higher intelligence? No. It means we both have different areas of expertise. 

if I don't agree with your point of view or your beliefs (that have nothing to do with human kindness), that doesn't mean I'm wrong, and you're right. Neither does it mean the opposite. It means you believe something based upon your understanding of the topic, and I believe something different based upon my understanding of the topic. And because we disagree, does that mean we have to be enemies? 

For example, I believe in God. If you don't, does that mean we have to be against one another? If you think the Earth is flat instead of round, does that give me the right to call you stupid? If someone believes in life on other planets, and I don't, does that make them an idiot? 

How do you think this world would change if we just accepted that we are all different? How do you think things would be if we could acknowledge that I'm me, and you're you? 

Just some things to think about...

I made it! I completed six ten-day challenges, and two of the challenges I am still continuing. I can see myself staying with one permanently which is drink a 16 oz. glass of water first thing every morning. I like getting the fresh water before I do anything else. 

The other one is no eating out or ordering in, and I'm on day seventeen of that one. Anyone who knows me knows that this one was tough for me. I chose this challenge because I absolutely hate to cook, but I was eating out two to three times a week which added up to a lot of money. So I knew this was really going to be a challenge, and I'm proud of myself for completing it and continuing it.  

The first few days of the challenges were the hardest for me, but once I got into a rhythm, it became easier, much like when I set myself a goal to write every night. I've been doing that so long that I can't imagine not doing it now. 

Completing a challenge, no matter how small or large, gives you a sense of accomplishment so I'd encourage you to give it a try, even if it's just for three days. Pick something you never thought you could do as one, like I did for not eating out. Really challenge yourself. You'll probably find it easier than you think. 

Most challenges are for thirty days. Go thirty days without spending money or without eating out. But the challenge of a thirty day challenge is that it is, well, a challenge. Some of us, like me, need to take our challenges in small increments. Thirty days seems too long which is why a lot of us don't make it to the finish line. And not making it to the finish line can be hard on those of us trying to change. 

So I'm focusing on changing my life ten days at a time. I know it takes longer than that to build a habit, but I also know I'll never build a habit if I don't start somewhere. And if I make it through ten days, I'll keep going, depending on whether or not it's really something I want to add to my life.

For instance, one of my new challenges is to listen to or watch a Ted Talk every day. I really enjoy motivational and educational speeches, but I'm not sure if I want to watch one every day forever. So we'll just see how these next ten days work. 

I'm starting with three separate ten-day challenges so I don't overload my brain. If I'm feeling too stressed out about it, I'll drop down to two or even one. When I get to the end of the ten days, I'll feel like I accomplished something. And I will have. 

Over ten years ago, I challenged myself to write every day. It wasn't about word count; it was about getting words on a page. One day became five which became ten, and before I knew it, I'd written every day for thirty days. Then I kept at it. I have not missed a day of writing in over ten years...even when I was in the hospital. (I had to ask the nurse for a piece of paper and a pen!)

So if you're thinking about undertaking a challenge, but you're just not sure about sticking to it, aim for a bite-sized challenge. Three days or five days even. You might discover that you really enjoy doing what you're challenging yourself to do, and before you know it, it'll become a habit. 

​I'll let you know how my challenges turn out on August 19th. I'm not guaranteeing I'll make every one, but we'll see! 

Yesterday, I lost someone I love. She wasn't a member of my biological family, but I considered her family nonetheless. Her daughter calls me sister, and her grandchildren call me aunt. She was only 67, far too young to die, but that wasn't our decision to make. 

When you lose someone you lose, it starts a pain in your heart that seems never-ending. I hurt for the loss, but I also hurt for my sister and her children. Their worlds have changed irrevocably. And they're grieving now, considering the days ahead without the person they called mom and grandma. 

​Grieving takes time

In time, the pain will lessen, giving way to memories of times past when there were no tears. Minutes of smiles. Hours of laughter. Moments they didn't think about what might happen in the future. Because that's the way we live our lives. 

But when you're grieving, those moments, minutes, and hours disappear, hidden behind a wall of pain. It's difficult to see beyond the tears. I don't know when they'll see the light instead of the darkness, but I do know it's there. I've seen it. The yawning abyss of night can be unbearable, suffocating when you're grieving. Holding on is difficult, The belief that the grief won't last forever is the only lifeline. 

Once upon a time, when I felt like my life was crashing down around me, I would fall apart. I didn't know how to handle the little things in life much less the big things. It took me quite some time (years) to get to the point where I didn't crack at every roadblock. But getting there and staying there are two vastly different things.

Most recently, when I was getting a bit stressed, someone reminded me to take the time to be grateful every day. I used to do that, and it did help. So a month ago, I started writing three things I was thankful for that day. And, once again, it's been a blessing. 

Sometimes, if it was a particularly trying day, I might write that I was thankful for the comfort of my home where I could shut out the world if I needed to. Or that someone had paid me a compliment. And, one day, when I was struggling to get anything accomplished, my end of the day list included that I had gotten my new modem set up. And it made a difference. On a day where I felt like nothing was getting done, I proved that something had gotten done. No matter how small. 

Being grateful for the little things makes me more appreciative of everything in my life. As crazy as it may sound, I can even be thankful I didn't break a bone when I fell. So it's a different way of looking at the times in my life that aren't the best. And I'm thankful that I was reminded to resume this habit. 
​

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